Monday, December 15, 2008

A study on international relations.

            During the presidential primaries (I know everyone is trying to forget them, sorry for bringing them up, but I’m using this story to jump into another one actually worth hearing about) and the debates on foreign policy, I remember hearing too often about sticks and carrots. Sticks, I assume, represented America’s ability to punish nations working against us, and carrots the ability to reward. The whole analogy basically turning our foreign policy debates into a good representation of how political leaders would likely govern world politics or a kindergarten class. If you don’t remember said banter it may be that I invented it in my head, as I all too often do. If that is the case, I apologize to said former candidates. Painfully, every candidate spent too much time talking about sticks and carrots, but it brought up a couple of mental images. The most obvious is the cartoon image of a Bugs Bunny encouraging a rather stubborn animal using a carrot that’s been attached to the end of a long stick with a string. On the basis of that imagery, I’d like to introduce a series of questions:

 

  1. What is the most stubborn animal you can think of?
  2. Does that animal eat carrots?
  3. Would a carrot on the end of a stick encourage that animal to move quickly? Even move at all?
  4. If that method does not work, what method would work?

  Now, I recently had a chance to witness a study done to answer all of the above questions, and I’d like to share those answers with you, and perhaps at the same time we can figure out some of the greatest foreign policy questions we’ve ever been faced with.

First, I would like to credit Joel, a Hondu12 health volunteer, for coming up with the idea for this experiment and properly carrying it out. I owe hours of laughter to him and his fellow scientific colleagues for their time, effort, and invaluable intellect.

Second, I’d like to thank Ana, Hondu13 Muni-D, for organizing the event that made it all possible. Without her, one of my favorite events could have easily fallen to the wayside.

Now, without any further delay, I’d like to begin answering the questions. So, what is the most stubborn animal? I personally believe it is the donkey, which means when experimenting with hybrid sports and stubbornness it is the ideal candidate. Say for instance, you are a fan of equestrian sports, but you’re curious what challenges would develop if you were forced to ride an animal that wasn’t the least bit interested in cooperation, then the introduction of the donkey would be priceless in said research.

Someone was in just this dilemma when they developed the greatest up and coming sport, Donkey Polo. What is donkey polo? It is a lot like polo, only with donkeys, and on a cement court that has been enclosed. It is polo’s indoor soccer. Then, multiply that by Honduras. Instead of highly traditional equipment and uniforms played by rich people on expensive horses, it is broom sticks with blocks of wood loosely screwed on for mallets and a plastic soccer ball played on a rented donkey. After breaking too many broomsticks, mop sticks can be used, as long as the mop head is removed first. Uniforms don’t exist. A player’s team is only determined by their nationality. American Peace Corps volunteers make up one team, and Catrachos the other (catrachos has two meanings, Hondurans or a traditional food and though we would likely fair better against tortilla chips and beans, we play against Hondurans).

This was our 12th meeting, and the history of victory so far was Peace Corps 0-11. Having decided our biggest disadvantage was our ability to control the speed and direction of said donkeys, we then needed to discover the answers to questions 2-4 above. Question 2 was simple. Does a donkey eat carrots? Indeed it does. Though the emotion for carrots seemed less than expected, Joel maintained high hopes.

This year’s match had been designed around two things: Liquor and family friendliness. I don’t know either. Just go with it for now. Previous events had been criticized for not including local children enough, since most of the riders are at least 14 years old, so this year the event organizers decided to also include piñatas and traditional games at various times throughout the event. Also new this year was a sponsor. The fine people at the Yuscaran Aguardiente (also known as guaro) factory sponsored the event in full, involving everything from donkey rental fees to candy. The only thing they didn’t provide: guaro. Thank goodness it is only 50 cents for 1/8 liter, or half liters will run $1.50. While I appreciate the fine folk at the factory for their blessing, I would also like to note that guaro is awful. The liquor is made from cane sugar and water and is best known for the ability to turn an average street into a bed for people with poor self-control, especially during fairs. The town, while the home of production, has passed laws forbidding its sale within town. The point being to assure the factories presence wouldn’t create a public threat. Of course it can still be found, but admittedly it is harder.

The event was kicked off by a donkey parade, where participants rode donkeys around the central park and an announcement was made to follow the donkeys back to the court. The court was located on the grounds of the old high school which is the new youth center. This added complication pervious events avoided: stairs. Three stairs to be exact, but still three more stairs than the average donkey has used. Multiple donkeys chose to end their cooperation for the day on those steps. Luckily, the donkey I had ridden through the park was in a rather cooperative mood, and he didn’t seem to mind them. I rode him all the way in. Then we had the piñatas. Specifically, piñatas shaped like liquor bottles and donkeys. The kids loved them, but I was antsy to play. My donkey was cooperating relatively well, and so far I had only need to kick him like a horse, and he would go. He wasn’t running, but he was moving and could be steered, so I was ready.

I played defense because defense is always where there is more action on our team. Turns out, people who ride donkeys since childhood have a slight advantage over people who often are riding their first donkey ever. This is when I ran into my first cooperation issue. My donkey liked me, but was afraid of other donkeys. This poses a challenge to potential defenders such as me. If I arrive first, things are okay, but if someone else has the ball, my donkey insisted on keeping a safe distance. Finally, I grew frustrated and started trying to get my donkey to run to arrive first. The best method to get a donkey to run seemed to be slapping its hind quarters and kicking it simultaneously. Finally I was making progress, though the scoreboard already showed 2-0 and I was not winning. I hit the ball a few times and made a decent run for a goal but I was blocked last second when my donkey stopped, afraid of the goalie donkey. Fortunately, a team mate’s donkey was smacked by an opposing player during the drive and we were given a penalty. We still missed. A minute later it was 3-0 and I was closing in on the ball for a defensive stop and my donkey caught site of an opposing player and stopped again. I was so close to the ball I thought I could reach out and hit it. I was right… kinda. In my attempt to hit the ball I overextended my balance and while I still hit the ball, I also toppled off my increasingly less cooperative friend. I hopped back on and went to chase the ball and when I smacked the donkey’s hind quarter to motivate him I noticed it hurt more than usual. I looked at my fingers and the tips of three fingers already looked like blueberries. Falling off a donkey is a little rough on the fingers, especially when determined to still hit the ball. From then on, my donkey could walk when he wanted to. I got him to trot back to the defensive side and spent the remainder of the quarter semi successfully defending or being taunted by local children about how bad we were. Thanks to those children, I am planning to set up a TV in the local grade school to watch the United States – Honduras World Cup qualifier, and every time the US scores I will do a victory dance NFL players can only dream about. The quarter ended with a lucky shot by a teammate and I dismounted the donkey losing 4-1.

The experiment was scheduled for the third quarter, so I had some time to find a seat and relax. After the first quarter there was a traditional game, which involved sticking a spoon in your mouth, putting an egg on the spoon, and racing down the court and back, the first person to return wins. Third place was won by a volunteer, and that was likely our biggest victory of the day.

Second quarter went much like the first. Score wise it went exactly like the first. We got in a lucky shot, and they got 4 slightly more intentional goals. The second quarter was pretty much ended when one of the donkeys felt rather amorous towards another, and decided to make the relation physical while people were still attempting to ride both donkeys. The person on the top donkey fell off backwards, but the young lady on the bottom donkey was not a very good planner, and had worn a skirt. Skirts make quick donkey dismounts impossible, or at least tricky. She went the high road and stayed on the donkey, getting caught up in the closest thing to a donkey three-way I hope I ever see. Luckily for her, the donkey was pulled off rather quickly.

Between the 2nd and 3rd quarters was another game. This one involved two people leaning in toward each other and placing an egg between the bridges of their noses. Then the mariachis start, and the two people have to dance until the egg falls. The last couple to let the egg drop wins. I kept waiting for two people to smash the egg in an attempt to keep it from falling, but sadly I still have to wonder what that would look like, since I didn’t get to see it.

The third quarter took forever to start. Not literally, but when someone is looking forward to something so awesome, it can be hard to wait. Finally I saw Joel enter the court and look around for a moment. He picked his donkey, one with a fuller harness on the head, so he could tuck the stick in and still play with both hands.

So, does a carrot on a stick entice the donkey into moving and being more cooperative? Sadly, it does not. It does not run or even move until traditional methods are used to motivate the stubborn creature. While honey may outdo lemon in the friend department, kicks (and presumably hits with sticks) most definitely work better than carrots to motivate a donkey.

The third quarter ended our lucky streak, and while the Hondurans scored 3 more, we ended up no better off. The carrot experiment was successful in teaching us all donkey don’t care about anything, but sadly our learning pretty much ended there. Dogs, on the other hand are far easier motivate. Actually, to motivate a dog to run, all you have to do is hit around a plastic soccer ball. This was rather apparent when a rather clean looking dog ran onto the field, stole the playing ball and escaped quickly back out the door. He would have gotten away, but he made a wrong turn and cornered himself. The ball was recovered, but still needed to be replaced as it was sadly misshapen by the dog’s mouth. It was quickly replaced for the 4th and final quarter.

The fourth quarter is always when first time donkey riders get the courage to play, and when the donkeys are tired. The donkey stops moving entirely, and while the Hondurans effortlessly dash around the court, the Americans start to play like foosball, hoping the ball comes near, but not moving very much. The game ended a respectable 11-2 and Peace Corps is officially 0-12.

Finally, as all good writers do, I have to cleverly relate my ending to my introduction. Has this experiment taught us anything about foreign policy? Should we use more sticks than carrots and get our international donkey to run? My answer to both of these questions is a definite no. We should not treat our friends and enemies like animals, nor should we address complicated situations in such simplistic terms. Such views lead to diplomacy by way of renaming popular breakfast items (see also: Freedom toast; Rose of the profit Mohamed). We must use caution before the world collective renames American cheese, and Kraft is known afterwards as infidel cheese the world round. That’s right, diplomacy and donkey polo, hand in hand.

 

The story is quite finished, but I would like to take this time for a few updates. My MRIwas reread by a doctor in Washington and my diagnosis has changed. They determined my ACLwas only partially ruptured, however my meniscus also has a tear. I will eventually need surgery, but for now I am being treated with a knee immobilizing brace and physical therapy. If the condition worsens I will by visiting Washington DC for surgery. If it maintains I will get the surgery in September.

 

My stoves are coming along slowly and I won’t complete my first two communities before Christmas as I had hoped. Actually, I am at 2 of 250, but materials finally got delivered yesterday and I hope that number to increase rapidly in the coming week.

 

Alice and I will be going to Costa Rica for Christmas where we are spending 3 days in a national park with a volcano and 3 days on the beach. This is my first time to travel Central America since I got here and I am feeling pretty lucky.

 

Alice’s students have officially graduated 4th grade and are moving onto 5th. She is on track to graduate them from elementary school before we leave next September which will vastly improve their ability to find work.

 

We have finally finished our supply of both beef jerky and macaroni and cheese. While I love Kraft, I highly encourage well wishers to also include the occasional Velveeta shells and cheese or Lipton-Knorr pasta side. Variety is much appreciated.


Happy Holidays to all of our friends, may they pass how you want them to. Quickly or slowly, just make sure to enjoy them.

E. Hippie





There's the carrot. But Mr.Donkey doesn't care.

Me, on a friendly Donkey.

 

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Parasitos aka "amigos"

I was blessed to catch my first water-born parasite, probably about a month ago, called Giaria. It's a nasty little amigo, which a week or so after you get it gives you symptoms such as stomach bloating and pain (I like another friend's description, of like in the aliens movies the aliens are trying to escape and hatch, that I had a few in my stummy trying to do the same...), continual feeling the need to burp or fart to (in vain) try and relieve the stomach pressure (this is highly annoying if you actually are trying to get any work done), explosive diarrhea, and just general not feeling good. My parasite struck hard about every three days like clockwork, with the following symptoms, for about 4-8 hours. Then, it would mostly go away and I thought I was in the clear....I finally realized it wasn't just food poisoning and now I am on meds. Doc told me I shouldn't drink the water. DUH...of course I always drink bottled water and clean my veggies. But, I have had a weakness for "jugos naturales" or natural juices made from passion fruit, pineapple, mandarines, and many more. Alas, I feel this weakness probably gave me my stomach amigo. So, it's back to coke or coffee at restaurants for me.....que triste. I will just have to learn to make my own. The med, flagyl, is pretty icky too. Gives you a metallic taste in your mouth for awhile after taking it and makes ya feel a bit queasy. But, it is very effective, which is important. I would drink beer, since the water is all dangerous and stuff but supposedly until I am done with the meds that is a very bad idea. Vive Honduras!

In other news, Drew and I are going to Costa Rica for Christmas. We are going to a volcano national park and the beach. These nice thoughts are keeping me animated currently. I can almost feel the sun, the waves, the sand in my toes and a girly drink in my hand......with purified water of course, to aviod inviting any more amigos.

(Since blogger won't allow be to apply reactions to individual posts, I have to reset them everytime I change them. So, the results are in, Parasites:2 Healthy as a horse:0. This blog was apearantly parasitic. Expect every blog to have such an ending added.)